Recently, I’ve been feeling a bit lost. Not lost in the sense that I can’t get around the city or find my way to and from places, but lost in the fact that I CAN find my way around very easily! I feel like I blend in far too well.
Today I was in the post office and it seemed like the place was teeming with women from New York. They were loud, abrasive and they had that accent that I just find grating and annoying. Except ‘they’ was ‘she.’ There was one woman, just one American, and her presence overwhelmed the crowded office. And in my head, I was listening to her, and I kept having nasty thoughts about why Americans just HAD to be so loud and obnoxious, why they had to sound so touristy. Looking back on how I felt this afternoon, I feel a bit sad. I feel sad because, in living here, I’ve lost a bit of my identity.
I’ve never been the loud, obnoxious type (though others might argue that when I’m drunk, all normality is off). I’ve never been a flag waving patriot or a KFC eatin’ southerner. But to me, I’ve always been American. Here in London though, I’ve noticed things I’ve started doing differently. I’m adopting the accent, which is major… it’s one of the things that makes me feel like I fit in the most. I’ve started using their words and phrases, following their news and tv shows, getting around on the transport system like an expert and so much more. I don’t feel like I’m ‘me’ here, though I suppose I still am.
It’s tough staying the same without your friends and family, and I expected to change and to think differently, just not this much.
In other news, it looks like London has more snow forecast for tonight, tomorrow and tomorrow night. As if I’m not already tired of freezing off my bum.
If you’re interested in getting in touch, tweet me at @stephanie_khani or @londondiaries1. Alternatively you can email me at emailthelondondiaries [at] gmail.com.