A letter to me… two years younger


Dear S,

Let’s skip all the “this is you in two years and don’t freak out” crap. Yes. I’m you in two years and I’m on my soapbox, ready to preach it to the choir, sista. I’ve got a few things to say about you, your life, your husband and so on. Listen up, it’s all important.

So right now, you’re a newlywed by about… ohhh I’d guess 15, 20 minutes? I’m being generous here, as the justice of the peace was late. Don’t worry.. after a few months that gets funny–really, side achingly funny. Right now, you’re still a bit peeved. You’ll get over it.

That’s one of the lessons you learn a lot over the two years being married to N… you learn to get over things. You learn to let things slide off of you like the way the water slides off of a duck’s feathers. It’s a hard lesson and you’re still not 100% even today, but you get there.

Being married to N is a journey. He’s an addict. You’ll both figure that out.  He gets help.  And with his addiction comes a lot of other crap–denial, lying, selective truthing, acceptance, recovery, jealousy (mostly on your part) and patience (mostly on your part again). And that’s okay. Enduring all of that stuff and toughing through it makes you a better person. Like the best and most rewarding things in life, being married to N is a work in progress.

I feel I should warn you, your second anniversary will be bittersweet. N is going to screw up monumentally and you’re going to ask him to leave. You’re on your own for the better part of a week and you know what? It’s awful. You feel like curling up in a ball and dying. You feel like the wind’s knocked out of your sails and you feel like you can’t go on. You don’t even want to eat or read… that’s how bad the whole shin-dig is. But you get through it. And you’re a better person for it. You learn that you can function on your own without N. You learn that you can be just with yourself and even enjoy it. N’s a better person for it too. He’s learned a valuable lesson about what he’s done and I while I haven’t been lucky enough to have had any letters from me in two years, I can say I honestly don’t think anything like this will happen again.

Don’t let that scare you off! And anyway, you’re married now, so it’s too late for you to run!

There’s loads of good times too! Trips to the Canary Islands, to Madrid. There’s lots of gifts and flowers and bottles of wine and laughs. There’s lots of mornings where you both wake up and the same time and just lay there together, talking about how much you love each other. There’s lots more of the good times than the bad.

And that’s what you need to remember; even when the really bad stuff happens (and it will, believe you me) the really good stuff always follows.

That’s it from me, or you, really. It’s tough, but it’s okay. You get through it.

Oh. And move the leftovers from lunch away from the edge of the counter. Sarge eats it… foil and all.

Love,
You

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