(Alternate title: Or why I should be banned from even thinking about Ebay.)
Conversation with N in bed this morning:
Me: Sooooo… maybe I might’ve bought something on Ebay last night.
N: Groans What?
Me: Oh, just another dress.
N: sighs You’re getting addicted that, you know.
Me: Nuh uh. cuddling up behind him It could always be worse. I could be buying… weird stuff. Like, how would you feel if I bought a mounted, taxidermied bear head? Wearing a sombrero. See? It could always be worse.
N: No, I think that would be better.
Me: Seriously? I know! Imagine–your mom walks into our flat and there’s this bear’s head staring her down! But he’s not intimidating. He’s smiling and wearing a Mexican hat. And he’s all like, “Hola, muchachos! Bienvenido(I pronounced it bee-yen-ven-needy-os) to our casa!”
N: Bee-yen-ven-needy-os? How about bee-yen-ven-nee-do? You’re adding an extra “n” or something.
Me: No I’m not! That’s how it’s said! At least in Mexican. You’re Spanish. Mexican is totally different.
N: sighs No. It isn’t. But I’m all about a sombrero wearing bear’s head.
(at this point I’m really hopeful)
45 Minutes Later
N: I’d call him Raphael.
N: The bear.
Me: Raphael?? That’s not Spanish. Or Mexican.
N: YES IT IS!
Me: No. Raphael is a Ninja Turtle. I was just going to call him something stereotypically Mexican, like Pedro or whatever.
N: sighs loudly.
Me: Oh! Hey! Look what I found on Ebay!? turning the screen towards him It’s a taxidermied owl. In a box!
Me: But it’s only ten pounds! That’s dirt cheap!
N: Where would you even put it?
Me: scanning the flat We could put him on the kitchen table. Yes!!! And we could set a place for him every evening for dinner!
Me: But whyyyyyy?
N: You’re going to become “that lady”.
Me: What do you mean, “THAT LADY?”
N: You know, we’ll have people over and they’ll just go home thinking you’re “that lady.”
Me: But I’m not.
N: But you might be.
Me: sighing Fine.
But if I find a bear’s head… It’s happening.