I’m beginning to think my husband doesn’t get me


(Alternate title:  Or why I should be banned from even thinking about Ebay.)

Conversation with N in bed this morning:

Me:  Sooooo… maybe I might’ve bought something on Ebay last night.

N:  Groans What?

Me:  Oh, just another dress.

N:  sighs  You’re getting addicted that, you know.

Me:  Nuh uh.  cuddling up behind him  It could always be worse.  I could be buying… weird stuff.  Like, how would you feel if I bought a mounted, taxidermied bear head?  Wearing a sombrero.  See?  It could always be worse.

N:  No, I think that would be better.

Me:  Seriously?  I know!  Imagine–your mom walks into our flat and there’s this bear’s head staring her down!  But he’s not intimidating.  He’s smiling and wearing a Mexican hat.  And he’s all like, “Hola, muchachos!  Bienvenido(I pronounced it bee-yen-ven-needy-os) to our casa!”

N:  Bee-yen-ven-needy-os?  How about bee-yen-ven-nee-do?  You’re adding an extra “n” or something.

Me:  No I’m not!  That’s how it’s said!  At least in Mexican.  You’re Spanish.  Mexican is totally different.

N:  sighs No.  It isn’t.  But I’m all about a sombrero wearing bear’s head.

(at this point I’m really hopeful)

45 Minutes Later

N:  I’d call him Raphael.

Me:  What?

N:  The bear.

Me:  Raphael??  That’s not Spanish.  Or Mexican.

N:  YES IT IS!

Me:  No.  Raphael is a Ninja Turtle.  I was just going to call him something stereotypically Mexican, like Pedro or whatever.

N:  sighs loudly.

Me:  Oh!  Hey!  Look what I found on Ebay!?  turning the screen towards him  It’s a taxidermied owl.  In a box!

N:  No.

Me:  But it’s only ten pounds!  That’s dirt cheap!

N:  Where would you even put it?

Me:  scanning the flat  We could put him on the kitchen table.  Yes!!!  And we could set a place for him every evening for dinner!

N:  No.

Me:  But whyyyyyy?

N:  You’re going to become “that lady”.

Me:  What do you mean, “THAT LADY?”

N:  You know, we’ll have people over and they’ll just go home thinking you’re “that lady.”

Me:  But I’m not.

N:  But you might be.

Me:  sighing Fine.

But if I find a bear’s head… It’s happening.

steph2

If you’re interested in getting in touch, tweet me at @stephanie_khani or @londondiaries1.  Alternatively you can email me at emailthelondondiaries [at] gmail.com.

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